Saturday, April 26, 2008

dreams...

american movies are big on dreams. so am i. i've always wondered what i see myself doing in ten years' time, twenty years' time, etc. i wonder if what i dream so heavily about now will come true. i wonder if there will be crossroads in my life where i have to choose between two big dreams. i wonder if there is a purpose in the creation of my life, and whether i am meant to meet it. i wonder whether the steps i've taken thus far and am about to take will draw me nearer or take me away from that dream.

life is such a mystery. there are so many permutations to the end. the job you choose, the people you meet, the experiences you go through, the books you read, the movies you watch, the places you travel to, the person you marry... each and every one of them play an important role in influencing the choices you make in life. some have a greater impact than others, but all nonetheless equally influential.

as i near the end of my pupillage, and embark on the real world for real, i wonder what other surprises life will throw at me. this afternoon i imagined myself working from now till 30 and then do a career switch to something totally different and new. but then i was reminded that at that age i would probably (God willing) be married, have a kid and paying off the mortgage on the house, so that's the worst time to do a career switch. sigh.

i know life's short, and there's so many things i want to do. yet at the back of my mind, one dream keeps recurring. it's as if that dream was the dream i was meant to do all along, and all the other things that i want to do are mere distractions, which are fun but ultimately frivolous and waste precious time and energy that i could have better spent it in fulfilling that dream. i don't know... if it's your will Lord, open the door/s for me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

developing world, a developing me

wow it's been ages since i've last been here. i guess it's just a telling sign of how absolutely busy i've been at work. interestingly, contrary to what most working adults tell me, i find working fun and more stimulating than studying. i think it's the knowledge that the work that you do is ultimately being appreciated in a tangible manner at the receiving end, and not tossed to some faceless marker who grades your papers because he/she is paid to do so. i like the idea of knowing that the consumer who desires my work uses it for a meaningful purpose, and is advancing the economy or world through my work. it's just the overall satisfaction of being able to contribute to society. i guess now i truly understand what it means to be a "you2 yong4 de2 ren2." (a useful person)

as i grow used to working life, i begin to develop different perspectives of the world and different theories of why the world works the way it does, and consequently how i think it should be worked in order for it to be better. of course i have my idealistic dream about how i think an utopian world ought to be run, ought to be organised, but i also recognise the limitations of my dream, chiefly that people don't share the same worldview or value system as i do, which will make it hard for them to accept my point of view. ever felt that you know you're so right about something and you're bursting to share with everyone the truth that you've found, and yet no one will believe you? it's the anguish i go through these days.