Friday, September 30, 2005

dot away

You know you're severely lacking in sleep when after the lesson, all you see on your paper are random dots here and there. :(

It must've been the fatigue carried forward from the past two weeks coupled with the late nights spent on the computer (for reasons too obvious to spell out :p). I tried my darndest to stay awake this afternoon, especially since the lecturer was the nice and bubbly dora neo rather than the old mumbling german ellinger (oh man, hope he doesn't sue me for libel for this). But no matter what I do, I can't seem to stop my eyes from closing and sweeping me off to dreamland. And it's the weirdest "zone" to be in. On one hand, I could still hear the lecturer and surprisingly, understand some of the concepts she's explaining. Yet on the other, I felt my mind just drift through different images, all of which are very nice and sweet. :) It's in this realm where you are conscious of being asleep and awake at the same time.

When I do sleep, my hand stops moving, and the pen just stays put in one position on the paper, thus creating those random dots I see everytime I open my eyes. Heh my friend puts it very aptly, "I wanted to see what you were copying until I realised you were just dotting." That was simply classic.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

rub-a-dub-dub

Being on the computer for the past two weeks non-stop (because of 2 dreadful back-to-back assignments) have toughened up my muscles, though not in a good way. :(

The area on my right shoulder just below my neck is as hard as steel. Everytime I try to massage it in a circular motion, I feel the muscles crying out to me in pain, trying to break free from the nasty tension that is holding it back. Sigh. The other areas of my back also need some form of release, though not as desperate as the right shoulder, probably because I use my right arm a lot on the mouse when I do editing. Sigh. I want to get good muscle relaxant cream before this gets out of hand. Don't want to be old and fuddy so quickly. :(

In other news, my recent assignment has just been completed, though it's still in very bad shape. Will have to go back and polish and edit until it's the best it can be, which also means more muscle-toughening for my poor shoulders... :(

Time stands still when there's so much to do...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

cheating death

My parents' recollection of how vulnerable I was as a baby never fail to amuse me. :)

In my entire life, I will probably never be able to fully appreciate how much my parents would actually go through for me. The way they panicked when they saw my face turning blue, the times they worry when my fever never went down, the way I had diarrhoea non-stop... All these occured to my when I was a teeny-weeny baby. Of course, looking at me now, one could never imagine me as a fragile kid. But I guess, in a way, I'm thankful to be alive today.

Even as I grew up, I could distinctly remember the times that I cheated death. When I was much younger, I remembered once while going up an escalator, I stuck my head out and looked below, wanting to say hi to my uncle. Before I could do that, I felt something hit my head from above. I instantly retracted my head and wanted to scold the person whom I thought had hit me for no good reason. Then, right before my eyes, the adjacent escalator loomed past me. That's when I realised it was the "triangle" thing that they used to put below the escalators that hit me. It was to prevent silly people who put their heads out from being chopped off. Yeah, even though I was only around 7 or 8 years old, it had stuck in my mind till now because I remembered thinking to myself, how so very lucky my head was still attached to my neck.

Also want to thank the Lord for keeping me alive despite my reckless driving. Sigh. I really need to stop speeding, especially when I am in a rush. It's better to be late than dead.

sensibilities disappear

The age of technology has finally overtaken us, and remove all sensibilities from our souls...

With the coming of the faceless era, people freely abuse the anonymity or the lack of instant retaliation that the internet accords them. They write whatever they like, verbally abuse whoever they fancy, and speak their minds in such profanities that it's hard to imagine that those words actually belong to a face. The malice and hatred piercing through the guise of binary numbers is more painful than perhaps an actual confrontation. There is nothing worse than someone who sneakily stabs you in the dark when you least expect it.

My heart bleeds for all those who have been victims of such situations, be they people I'm close to or not. May words never attain such an authority over who we perceived ourselves to be. Rather always let God be the judge.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

strange beginnings

Caving in at my most vulnerable moment...

With assignments one after another, my brain has been drained of any other mental activity possible. Even in my sleep, the place I ought to have the ultimate rest, noises and gibberish just keep churning through my mind, all pointing to only one thing - I have an unfinished assignment to complete.

I tried to go through a mental list of what would take away this stress. Running, watching tv, eating... But strangely, all these which used to provide me with the comfort I need doesn't seem to have any effect this time round.

That's when I realised that maybe an outlet of expression could be the answer. Sigh. But I don't know. I have my doubts about where this is going, but we'll see. :)