sustain me...
I'm totally bonked out.
Maybe it's the holiday fever persisting within me. I slept early last night, at a ridiculous hour of 11pm, woke up at 7.30am, and still felt extremely sleepy the entire day. It didn't help that the sun was scorching and the inertia of staying at home just tripled. Sigh.
Work is piling up steadily. Exams are coming. Internships. Ongoing projects. Mentoring sessions. Social conditions changing. Sigh. My mental, physical and emotional limits are stretched. I'm seriously not a woman. I can't multi-task at all. I like to be focused on a particular goal and work at it till it's excellent. The moment I try to divide myself, the excellence is sacrificed. :( But there's no choice. I need to handle all these simultaneously. Sigh. Perhaps only God is the true giver of strength, perserverance and wisdom. I need to seek those.
girls' night out
It was a relaxing friday. :)
Girls' night out rules. :) As the small group took a break this week, I took the opportunity to spend some time with my sc friends, all of whom are either working or under attachment, so a friday is the only time they get to stay out late. After much discussion, we decided to check out this italian restaurant at UE square called spizzyco. From the outset, it looks posh and exclusive, with candle lights casting dancing shadows against the walls and people speaking in hush tones. Walking in as a bunch of 4 noisy girls made us feel like elephants in a china shop. ;p I must say that it was a first for us to try out new places. We're growing up, slowly but surely. :) I had linguine with prawns, Rocket (a kind of vegetable) with tomato paste. It was alright, the Rocket was certainly an interesting choice of vegetable. We then adjourned (in my car) to marina square for tantalising desserts at changing appetites. Ooh yeah, it was hot! (figuratively, of course. ;p) I had a mocha cheese mudpie, which was actually gelato ice cream. Yummy. My only regret was feeling too full from the pasta to properly enjoy the mudpie, which was relatively big. But definitely not a place that I'd miss out on going again (I like double negatives. ;p).
Here's my wonderfully lovely mocha cheese mudpie. Look at how awfully sinful it is. ;p
it's a happy day!
It's been a very fruitful past 2 days. For unknown reasons, my brain could actually function at optimum efficiency. Sitting down and reading through my notes hasn't been this breezy for ages. It's good, it's good. I love the fact that I have completed most of my (self-imposed) holiday readings. Feeling pleased about it. :)
Chanced upon the winter sport "curling" on tv. I always wondered what kind of sport it was. It was only today that I finally discovered. And the moment I saw the sport, the first words that came out of my mouth were, "What kind of stupid sport is that?!" Heh, I was that unimpressed. The way the two persons frantically shaved the ice in front of the moving stone was hilarious. Seriously. After watching a few rounds, I kinda get the whole game. It's like a mega pool (snooker), only without the holes and cue stick. It's wildly amusing. :)
Satisfied my craving for italian food by ordering pizza for dinner! Woohoo! :) My sister and I decided to have something special after having the same type of food for a few days in a row. Guess that's what crazy mugging does to your senses. There's this new pizza joint called Oishi Pizza. As the name explains it, it's japanese. And the variety of flavours are eye-popping! In the end, my sis and I settled on terriyaki beef, and my goodness, it was flaming delicious! Yum yum. I especially liked the crust because it's thin and easy to munch and digest, unlike Pizza Hut's chunky ones. Darn, I forgot to take a picture of it, but trust me on this, the pizza's very good, and the price is very reasonable. A thumbs-up from me (and my sis too). :) Lovely lovely dinner. Feeling bloated but happy. :D
late night thoughts
I love massaging myself. I haven't done so in a while, so today, I decided to give myself a treat by rubbing my sore points on my back. And it's when I discovered how much my back needs it. Every muscle is so tense and hard! Especially the areas just emerging from my neck. Extremely hard. Rubbing them is tantamount to rubbing iron or something. The moment I stop for a while, I could feel the immediate release of tension and the relaxation that ensues just overwhelms me. :) I wish someone with loads of strength and the right techniques is willing to give my back the rub it deserves. :)
I could never associate myself with the "p" word. It's a childhood thing I grew up with. Nobody has ever said that to me, so I guess I never thought of myself that way, in all sincerity. Coupled with a few bad experiences, that description seems almost elusive. It's weird, how perceptions change. I can only pray for God's standard to be the single benchmark I measure myself against, and not by the opinions of people.
food destresses
This week's my term break, yet it doesn't feel like a break at all. :(
There's just so much to complete. I've an assignment on a 237-page long case, which is what I've been reading for the past two days. Continuously, if I may add. Although it helps that my kind tutor alleviated our burden by requiring us to start reading only from the 147th page, it's still tiring. Just doing nothing the entire day but pure reading of this judgment that has no coherency at all is such a chore. In addition to that, I have to read another article which comments on the judgment. Yep, so right now, I've decided it's time my brain takes a break. It cannot continue on this maddening journey.
Mentoring session was good today. My mentee is opening up to me more and more and I'm beginning to see the true side of her. :) She's fun, playful, and very cheeky. ;P While I was playing uno with her and her group of friends, a male teacher (and a not bad-looking one, if I may add) came over and talked to them. In the midst of chatting, they saw another male teacher from afar and told me that he was only 19. I was shocked, because he looked so much older. So I happened to casually ask the teacher was still there talking to them how old he was. He replied 26. I just went, "Ohh..." and immediately my mentee pounced on it and said, "Why? Want to go steady ah?" The entire table burst into laughter. Seriously, these kids have nothing better to think about. ;p But I do like my mentee and her friends. They are extremely vocal, call out to every teacher in sight, make fun of every boy which comes by their way, tease each other about their respective crushes. I guess part of me wishes that I were as bold and expressive as they are. Instead, I have to resort to enjoying these experiences second-hand. Heh.
Craving for italian food and awfully chocolate ice cream now. The stress is killing me. :( At least one of them is readily attainable. ;p
darn these six-legged creatures
uncle pong dealt me a compliment, which I kindly returned with a
harmless jibe at his comical face on the channel one video. :P sorry la, but it was too hilarious to pass up. :)
I always wondered whether I was suffering from diabetes due to the increased intake of desserts lately. The emergence of ants around me was alarming. Everytime I awake from my nap, I usually see ants crawling on my t-shirt, my arms and fingers, and it gives me the creeps. Today, I finally solved the mystery. As usual, I was taking my customary nap on the sofa, and in between, I heard my phone beeped. So in my half-sleepy state, I picked up the phone and returned the message, before putting the phone on top of me. Minutes later, I awoke, only to see swarms of ants crawling on me!! That's why my gears clicked. My phone was breeding ants!! Althogether now... EWWW.... I swear my phone is nuts. Who in the world has ever heard of ants being able to survive in a handphone?! Now I do. And I'm so pissed at the manufacturer of the phone. How can they make phones which have gaps in them for ants to grow?! That's utterly disgusting. Sigh. And to see ants suddenly just emerge from in between the keypads just sends my skin crawling... Uck. I do feel like seeing the Nokia centre but since my warranty's expired, I'm not sure if they can do anything about it. Sigh. Well, at least I'm healthy.
I seem to have an affinity with ants. The last time this happened was in primary school, when the ants chose my toothbrush and cup to settle down. Disgusting.
spaced out
It's been a quiet day. Stayed at home the entire day. Tried to be productive, but succeeding very little. Sigh. I do weird and ruinous things to myself when left alone. Sigh.
steadiness
First up, I apologise for not being able to keep a steady stream of entries, like I used to be able to. Going online just has too many distractions. Half the time there'll be windows popping up at me. Oh well.
My life has returned to a sense of normalcy, somewhat. With the various stresses out of my head, the balancing act between work and play has become relatively manageable. Thank God. Although I am still way WAY behind work, at least I've started to prioritise and tried to do the most current work, leaving those that weren't touched in the beginning for later. So far, it's been good. Thank goodness for the one week break next week. This is a real chance for me to catch up with whatever I've missed. Sigh, but time is precious to me now, every single minute of it. I just hope I can balance work and play at its most efficient.
On an interesting note, I have mixed feelings towards angmoh guys. On one hand, I do think they are extremely funny, the way they jibe and tease each other in a witty manner. They do provide for good entertainment, especially when everyone else is just listless. :) Yet on the other, they are simply too full of flattery, so much so it's distrusting. In particular, this belgium guy in my ICF group. Eww. After a while, I couldn't stand him. He talks too much nonsense to me, and sometimes gets too close for my comfort. I could probably boil it down to their culture, but I doubt it. OH well.
seize every minute before it silently slips by... sigh.
catching up
It's finally over, and the rewards have been handsomely reaped. Truly it was quite an unforgettable experience, from the planning stage which culminated right up to its fruition. It's amazing how I survived the week.It's back to immersing myself in work again. It's back to finding myself again. I haven't had a quiet moment to myself since in ages. So this week would be an opportune time for me to just pray and quietly reflect on my life.
On an upside, I met my group from my Int'l Corp Fin (ICF) class for the very first time today. And even though I joined them late, I could fit right in because they are such warm and friendly people. :) There are 3 foreign students in the group, all from the european countries, two of which are blonde, and the other a brunette. This is my first close encounter with int'l students in law school, and I must say it is quite an exciting experience. One of the blondes, Maxime, was simply hilarious. He wanted to get into the swing of Singapore life, so he made a conscious effort to use our lingo. Whenever anyone passed him something, he will go, "ok la." And it sounded so cute! He even told us that he bought a Mandarin cassette tape just so he could learn the language, and rattled off some numbers in Mandarin for us. We were all quite, quite impressed. Imagine, a foreign student dying to master the elusive Mandarin language, and here in Singapore (especially those from a
certain school ;p) we bemoan and lament about the perils of learning the language, which is essentially our mother tongue. It is embarrassing, really. Not being able to speak your mother tongue well when people of other races can do better is nothing to laugh at. The 3 foreign students do provide good entertainment value, with their unique brand of humour and an influx of interesting ideas. I think I will like this group (crosses fingers).
Law Careers Fair is on this week. Various law firms displayed their claws as they pounced on us the moment we entered and eagerly tried to promote their pupillage programs to the year 3s. As my friend rightly puts it, "I feel like a piece of meat." But then again, he's a guy; he doesn't have the experience. Heh. I do have a few law firms in mind, but it's not I who choose them but they who choose me. Sigh. Just hoping to get an internship this coming hols before making my decision. Time truly flies. I'm going to start work in a year's time. I'm finally growing up.
To buck trends of all trends, I'm staying put at home tomorrow. I'm not sure whether it's out of rebellion, because frankly, I do feel sheer exhaustion from last week, mentally and physically, so my recuperation period is very precious to me. Plus, it'll be a good time alone with me and my books. I love having dates with my schoolwork.
falling sick
The flu bug finally got me, got me well and good. Sigh.
I spent most of my lessons today, trying to keep my eyes from closing every other minute. My body simply refuses to obey. It's currently quite weak, with blocked nose, blocked ears, slight sore throat and a terribly groggy head. I can't really think properly, and all I can think of is sleep and sleep. But this week is near impossible; not so much lack of choice on my part though.
I knew it was coming, because I was under tremendous amount of stress. I had so much to accomplish amidst struggling with tired thoughts. And this made my sleep at night unfulfilling despite getting the requisite amount of hours. All throughout the week during lessons, the only thing that floated in my mind was - I need sleep. It was terrible. I guess that made my body susceptible to the flu bug. Sigh.
I can't afford to be sick, especially not now. Sigh, please pray for me.
happy, albeit sick
Yet another therapeutic night. :) Relaxing in the presence and just enjoying the moment is so important. :) Realised what I've been missing with small-minded thoughts.
Stuffy nose, feeling slightly warm. Sigh. First symptons of the coming cold. Just hope those pink panadols work better than the white ones.
the relaxation
Yesterday was perhaps the most therapeutic day of the week. :)
It's been a long week thus far, and the immense stress coupled with severe lack of sleep has caused my body to breakdown and kickstart the onslaught of a minor flu. My forehead currently feels slightly warm, and breathing becomes a little more difficult. But thanks to a wonderful yesterday, even though I'm still experiencing these symptons, the lightness of my head and heart makes it so much easier for me to handle it.
After school yesterday, which ended at 11am, I took my sister shopping. And shopping, no matter be it for yourself or others, always never fail to inject an exuberating adrenaline rush through me. There's just so many things to see, to touch, to excite your minds and to appreciate the beauty and cleverness of the items that you put parochial thoughts to a halt and be absolutely enchanted by the handiwork of men instead. It was an experience that my being was just waiting to have. In the evening, a friend and I hopped over to a third friend's place to discuss some stuff. And my (third) friend's bedroom is about the most comfortable place imaginable! Big comfy bed, many pillows, thick blanket, warm lights flooding the room, music... It was unbelievably relaxing. Plus, we had a good time just laughing and sharing. I guess the warmth of the companionship did play a great part in soothing my troubled spirit.
My mind right now is quite clear, free from all the incessant thoughts that seek to wear me out. God is watching over me, and has answered my prayers. My prayer for this week was to cultivate the discipline of thought of God, and let everything else become secondary. And God has shown me that it is possible, despite everything. :) Thanks God.
desperate need of time and energy
It's been a hectic, hectic week. And more to come.
I have tons and tons of readings to catch up for missing most of them in the first two weeks. And on top of that, there are other stuff which demand my time and energy equally, if not more. For once, I'm at my wit's end at how I can effectively divide myself into so many different parts and yet strive to give myself fully to every aspect of my life. I know, multi-tasking is essentially women's territory, but for some strange reason, I can never do it, especially if I want to do something exceedingly well. I simply can't afford my mind to wander off and dwell on other stuff when there are more pressing issues at hand. It's a struggle, really. And I'm just learning the ropes to handle it.
I need a perfect schedule. Not only that, I need a mind which can focus on the stuff that I need to do at hand and not deviate into some illicit area, for optimum efficiency. Time and energy are not my friends at the moment; only God is (and has always been). I would like to restore the independence that I once possessed. And Lord, I think only You can work such a miracle for me.
strength and wisdom
Sigh. I have too many things to juggle in my life right now. Family, school, church, commitments, friends, life in general... All want a part of me. I really wish I have more of myself to give without having to sacrifice anyone of them. I'm just not used to handling so many activities all at the same time. I'm usually one who can decide how much time and energy I can afford for a single activity, but right now, everything's in a mess. It's unexpected important things which crop up that cause me to have a haywire schedule, if I even have one to begin with. Sigh. I can only pray for pure strength to get through all my activities and for even greater wisdom to know how to give of myself more wisely.
To my friends, who know nothing of this blog, I'm so sorry. And I promise it won't happen again. Let me make mistakes along the way so I can grow stronger in this area. Thanks.
