it's over
My struggle is finally over. I can't believe it. After close to three weeks of pure pain and struggle, it ended abruptly by the confirmation of all my modules. It feels somewhat surreal not having to experience pain, but I'm not complaining.It happened this morning. I was unexpectedly allocated Financial Accounting yesterday, which I didn't expect to get because I did not sign up for the tutorial by the deadline (by choice), but since I did, I had to pay a visit to the dean's office of business to manually register for my tutorial. Having received a warning that I would be dropped from the module if I didn't register for the tutorial by the stipulated deadline, my heart was filled with immense dread as I approached the office. I half-expected the lady-in-charge to give a disapproving look and was preparing myself to put up an aggressive fight (which goes totally against my nature), but surprisingly, all she did was to hand me the list of available tutorials left and asked me to pick one. When it was done, I was stunned into reality that my long-awaited day has arrived: I finally stopped struggling.
I've learnt that as much as I extol the merits of administration, having been endowed with that particular spiritual gift (from tests taken before), I realised how taxing on other people it can be if rules have to kept strictly without allowances given. It puts things into perspective that perhaps some people might find my anal-retentiveness a tad irritating, something which I could never comprehend until now. I guess I must know how to temper my desire for organisation with flexibility to make me a more pleasant person to work and be with.
I've also learnt why humans need to struggle. It is only through the process of pain that one can truly appreciate the rewards thereafter. Oh the taste of freedom and luxury in being able to get all the modules I want is pure and sweet, something which I would probably have taken for granted had it just been served on a platter to me. It goes for everything else in life. If one doesn't suffer hardships, one will never know what a good thing he/she has in his/her hands.
Perhaps the last lesson I've learnt is empathy. I used not to care (nor could I understand) what not getting the modules you want is all about. This is especially so in year 1 and 2, when compulsory modules were given to us, while my hall friends from other faculties were doing their ritual rant each semester, cursing how stressful it was to bid for their modules. I was blissfully oblivious and didn't seek to understand their anguish. My arrogance and indifference have led me to the "lowest-of-the-low". Now I can FULLY empathise with the modular system that all my other faculty friends are being put through for their WHOLE nus years. A perverse kind of camaraderie is formed.
Above all, I do see God's hands in control all this while. It's too premature to tell what other things He has in store for me by making me take this path, but by the end of the semester, I will know. And share.
posted by solitude @ 6:14 PM
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