survived miraculously
I think God has done it again.I was "on the spot" this week for my module of securities regulation, meaning my tutor would be asking me (along with a few others) for answers to our tutorial sheets, which was good in a sense I would have time to read through the materials and prepare my answers. But last week had been a time-management nightmare, coupled with a not-so-fitful sleep last night, I was really in no mood to answer. But knowing how he calls on people chronologically, and seeing how I was last on the list, I decided to take the risk and just prepared for the last few questions. But for some strange reason, I did nothing for the hypothetical (which was right at the end), because I didn't believe he would be so cruel as to ask one person to go through the entire scenario. But surprise, surprise, he did. And when he called my name and asked me to "take us through" the hypothetical, I made a sound of utter disbelief, so loud that I invited a stare from a fellow classmate (whom I never talk to) to turn around and look at me. There was a few seconds of silence while my tutor took his time to clean the board. I read the hypothetical in double-quick time, trying to glean whatever information and issues I could, all the time praying fervently in my heart asking God to help me say something useful. When my tutor finally turned around looking at me expectantly, I found my voice and said something rather basic. And I guess from there it got better. He's generally a helpful tutor and will guide the student along if he/she seems to fumble. I managed to engage in a somewhat credible discussion with him (along with the input of other students) using pure commonsense. I have to admit, I haven't really been keeping up with the readings of this class, so everything is a blur to me. Sigh. But thankfully, I managed to survive without looking too much like a fool.
I think my real problem is not being used to hearing myself in a room full of silence, and knowing that everyone is listening intently to what I have to say. Perhaps once I get used to it, and overcome the fear of thinking that whatever I say is rubbish, and thinking that people are going to be all judgmental on me, it gets better.
Sigh. It'll be better.
posted by solitude @ 9:57 PM
Comments: 1
