the awareness of change
I'm not sure about others, but I tend to set my identity around the things that I like or dislike, or things I'm naturally inclined to do or not to do. And sometimes when a particular taste or inclination changes, it forces me to evaluate whether the core of who I am still remains. For instance, I've always believed that I could never work under any circumstances other than on home ground and in total solitude, but recent events have compelled me to pick up my laptop and head to the comp lab in school to work. And the more I work there, the more comfortable I feel and the more productive I have become. Which led me to re-evaluate my initial conviction about how I am unable to work with people around. Another more startling change is the realisation that I am increasingly unafraid of speaking in public. The past two class presentations had gone so smoothly without the usual display of stuttering and nervousness despite preparing very little for them has forced me to think whether this heralds the coming of a new serena. Because often, people who are able to speak in public have an inherent personality trait that allows them to blab spontaneously in front of people without flinching, something which quieter people usually don't possess, something which I thought I never had. So I don't know. I hope it's just practice-makes-perfect, because I very much prefer being a private person.
posted by solitude @ 5:02 PM
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