duty versus desire
When I told myself to go intensive this last week, I didn't expect myself to take it so seriously!It's been a long, long week. One that is filled with nothing but words upon words that swirl in my head like a neverending blender, sometimes in total incoherence. I've come to realised that I'm no superwoman, much as I would love to be (with gorgeous-looking costumes and enviable powers), and that my brain juices do need time to replenish itself. So it is with great reluctance that I take a deliberate break from my work this friday night to just relax my mind with other thoughts. It's hard to sit back and do nothing without feeling jittery about it.
I had a weird craving for hor-fun for a long time, and I finally managed to satisfy my craving today! Went to the bukit timah market with my sister and ta-baoed our dinner back. :) Yum yum. In the midst of having dinner and watching Friends, my relatives came over for a short visit. Of particular importance is the arrival of my cousin whom we've not seen for a long time. She is now married with 2 kids, and her kids are simply adorable! The daugher is 5 years old, while the son is 4. Both are extremely cute, very good-looking, and because they were brought up in the US, their american accent does make them appear a lot more grown-up. My parents went out for dinner with them, leaving my sister and myself at home.
Which brings me to my next point. My father had actually tried to get me to go for the dinner earlier, but I had already planned my friday night to be a nice, quiet, relaxing one all to myself. Just me, my hor-fun and the comforts of home with only my thoughts to accompany me in the silence of the night. The mere thought of having to dress up, go to some fancy place and eat and having to rack my brains for entertaining small-talk topics just didn't appeal to my tired brain at that moment. But my father seemed to be pleading quietly with me to go, because we've not seen them for such a while, but I was really tired. Even if I may not have planned any real work for tonight, I really wanted a rest. Thus, a real conflict ensued between my duty as a daughter and my personal desire to stay home. I felt bad disappointing him, but I convinced myself that at least I still had the opportunity to see my relatives before they left for dinner, and whatever catching up that needs to be done would've been done then. Personally, I wouldn't have hesitated so much, and the only reason why I would ever have gone is because of my father. But tonight, I just gave in to my desires and decided to stay put. And I wonder if that makes me a bad daughter. Sigh.
posted by solitude @ 10:38 PM
Comments: 2
